Honest to God

Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.-- Winston Churchill

I have come to a very harsh reality this morning as I was preparing for class. Am I honest? Many would use the word integrity but I have pretty much camped on the word honest. If you are anything like me this word conjures up images of the past. When you could walk down Main Street without hearing sirens or gun shots and safely purchase a cream soda from the candy store clerk. You may be asking yourself, "Well OK to whom do you have a problem being honest too." My feeling is that I am not too honest with myself any more. In my communication to God I know that I have nothing in which to hide, mask, or lie about, but to myself I show no such transparency. To myself, I hide, divert and redirect as much truth about myself as I can. In front of God I know that I am a man in need of much help and grace and rarely do I offer the same to myself. A wise man once told a story found in the book of Luke; he talked about trees bearing good and bad fruit and about two men who built a house, one on solid ground and the other on sand. To be honest with you, I have heard these stories told hundreds of times and applied in a thousand different ways. However, I must share with you a revelation, a reviewing if you will that I had this morning. Neither the bad tree nor the man building on the sand was ever honest with themselves in what they were doing. The man building the house on sand never stopped and said, "Wait a minute! What am I doing building a house on sand, I need to stop immediately." Instead, he continued and we know the result. The tree never stopped to think what it could do differently to produce better fruit. I pray that we have the bravery and courage to be honest with ourselves and our faith. I hope that we exchange what is real within ourselves and that truth overlaps in how we communicate to the world.

Brotherhood

I Believe in the brotherhood of all men, but I do not believe in waisting brotherhood on anyone who does not want to practice it with me. Brotherhood is a two way street. Malcolm X

The bonds of brotherhood surpass expectation and want. The bond brother’s share can help when helping does not help; it is a glass of water to man in the middle of the ocean. Not growing up with any brothers or fathers I really do believe this is the one relationship I have been unjustly deprived of. I never expected to need it as much as I do now in this time of my life. Having brothers makes me feel saved though I never knew I was ever lost. I am truly blessed by God that I have a clan of fellow warriors that help me, carry me, push me when all I want to do is lie down and call it in. How can we follow this Jesus and then deny the community that he has so richly and lovingly opened the door to? I pray that we as fallen people begin to trust in our inherent need for each other. We must break through our own barriers and walls and dig tunnels through our defenses to allow much needed communication and love to pass.

People Like Walnuts

Have you ever sat on a porch cracking open walnuts shells for the savory meat in the middle? I love this simple yet repetitive task because it offers a peace of mind rarely found in the day to day humdrum. Inevitably, you always comes across the one nut that does not want to crack. Instead of dropping it and continuing with another one you spend the next 15 minutes giving this one nut your undivided attention. After several colorful words and a couple cracked nails you have crushed the stubborn thing to the point the meat inside is unusable.

Youth work is a lot like this. Every group of teenagers, or people in general for that matter, have that one stubborn mind that refuses to crack easily. Instead of focusing on the easier more pliable minds we respond to the challenge and attack like our honor is at stake. Days, weeks, maybe years go by with not one budge and we are left burnt out and exhausted believing that we have in some way failed them, ourselves, and our God. A great man once told me to focus on the ones that respond and let God work on the ones that don't. This is completely opposite of what my instinct wants me to do. I want to be the wise Yoda that take the rough and rude pupil and mold and shape him into a respectable warrior... for God of course. Instead, I am quickly learning that God must be the slow moving water that erodes the hard shell of doubt and apathy away. I guess the question is do I have the patience to allow God to work in his own time table. I pray that we find the movements of God peaceable and reaffirming instead of slow and annoying. I hope that we first crack our own shells before we work on the surfaces of others.

Closing the Gaps

· The concept behind this and much of the problems are caused because teenagers communicate like Chewbacca from Star Wars

o It’s incredibly difficult to talk to teenagers especially when their hungry, tired, or awake. Have you ever noticed that Chewbacca never has subtitles when he talks, everybody just understands him but you the watcher. We laugh at this but we know that when you were a teenager you had the same problem in trying to communicate to your parents and grandparents. In Sudan Texas the church of Christ is an older church it has been there sense the founding of the city and the congregation has a hard time communicating to the younger about their traditions. For example we had a gospel meeting once that the elders wanted to invite the youth of the community to. So we sing songs about ebon and pinions and white palaces, we are using words like thou, thus and thy and I notice that slowly, one by one the kids start losing focus.

o I have grown up in and out of the church of Christ and I remember my grandpa taking me aside and teaching me the ins and outs of old school worship. What I received from that was the why in my grandfather’s worship. So much of our job in maintaining this family is translating our faith from generation to generation. How do we bring the wealth of spirit, maturity and love from the older body parts and deliver them to the newer arms, legs and shoulders in such a package that allows them to understand more easily.

o Here are some questions we must ask.

§ Do we conform to the younger generation and sacrifice our traditions?

§ Do we submit to the younger generation’s spiritual needs and expectations?

§ Do we think what worked for the last generation will work for this new one?

§ What do we keep and what do we lose? What needs change and what do we need to desperately hold on to.

· The problem!

o In the past Grandparents, Parents, and children grew up in an environment where they could share, teach, and instruct on values and information on family, community, and society. Now we have the peer to peer community that is quickly becoming exclusive. Texting, Face book, Twitter, and MySpace are not the problem here and I don’t believe that we will be able to identify any single cause or affect that is to blame.

o Dr. Diane Shallue says - This lack of intergenerational contact leads each generation to see itself as a separate subculture rather than an integral part of an entire community, a perspective that often leads to conflict and competition rather than cooperation.

o Do we segregate our teens into their front right section of the church building and believe that we have down our job for the week?

· The solution

o There is no miracle elixir that I can make you digest to just magically solve this problem. All the papers I read go as far to say there is no one program/ministry/event that can fix this.

o Religious institutions/churches are some of the only places in this country where older people, younger people, and in-between people can come and mingle on a deeper level. Jesus called this thing the church and he built this after the format of the family. Here we have an excuse to get together and share with one another our spiritual defeats, and victories. Where else in your daily habit are you surrounded with such a wealth of cross generational wisdom and understanding?

· How did God do it?

o How did God do this? How was he able to pass instruction to each generation?

§ He did this through memorial’s in which parents and teacher have an object lesson to teach truth and tradition.

o Before we read Joshua we have to qualify the relationship God has with the Israelites. For the last 40 years God has wanted to destroy Israel time and time again. It’s hard to see the merciful God through all of the threat God makes. It is amazing to see a people so blessed with all of the visuals that they have been given and still doubt. The only thing that is worse than doubting God’s existence is losing belief in his power.

§ Have you ever doubted your mother’s authority? How about your grandma’s?

o As said before they have been travelling for 40 years waiting for all the people who left Egypt 20 years and up to die for their lack of faith. So we have this new generation coming up with only 2 original people who remember the slavery of Egypt. A lot of conflict is heading their way as they prepare to enter the land promised to Abraham and they will have to be reminded constantly of what God has done for their ancestors.

o It is important that we pass on traditions and pass on what we have learned to the next generation, right? If we refuse to learn from our past then we are destined to repeat it, but how can we learn when no one is willing to explain it. If we refuse to teach it and in turn learn it how can any of us hope to escape the cycle of conflict?

· Joshua 3:7-11 the Jordan crossing and memorial

o You wonder at this point if they ever surprised by God and what he has them doing. Remember that God is doing all of this to show them that the “living God is among them”. God could have had them use conventional methods to get them across the Jordan but he doesn’t.

o The first point we must get from this is the impression a living God leaves on his people. Are we a community of people, families and individuals that exemplify a church that serves respects and glorifies a living God? Are willing to do the impossible based on a firm belief that God is active and not just reactive. What I mean is, do we believe in a God that’s acts only when he is attacked or do we show this community a God that is proactive in His love for them. Do we communicate that belief accurately to each other throughout the week?

o The second point is imagining what this looks like to the city of Jericho just across the river. Hundreds of thousands maybe millions of people just crossed (supernaturally) a river and is now posted right outside their door. These traditions, this community is not just for us it is for the people out there also.

§ I say this so we understand the importance of the communication and memorials that we must have in here with each other.

§ God tells us that judgment will begin within the house of God, and if we are barely saved then what’s going to happen to the lost

· Joshua 4:1-7 How can we do it?(Notice 2 things)

o The purpose was so that parents have a reason to explain to their children what God has done for them.

§ So when you are traveling along and you come across this part of Israel you can stop and teach your children what God has done for you.

§ I want to challenge those who have kids to take some time and explain some of the things we do, communion, baptism, why we meet on Sunday’s. Use yourself as the story, and becoming a teacher will require you to learn.

§ Duet. 6:4-9 teach these diligently to your children. I get PASSION from this.

o The memorial is useless (not powerless) if nobody teaches others what it means

§ It becomes just one more thing in the way of your path. No one learns and no one grows. So many of Israel’s problem stem from this one fault, the priest’s stopped teaching and people stopped caring.

§ It was in times of trouble that Israel was reminded of God’s authority and of all his reminders of his power.

o In fact most of Israel acts as a constant reminder of the great responsibility the Israelites have to communicate their past to the next generation. They had Jacob’s well, Mt. Ebal and Mt. Gerizim, Hebron where Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebecca, Jacob and Leah were buried, all of these things were to remind them all of the teaching points they have at their disposal.

· The greatest and hardest thing we can do on this path of recovery is take off our blinders and open up to people. This is a continual process that requires a lot of maintenance.

o This may require a facebook fast or imposing a facebook fast.

o This make take the form of cancelling texting

o This may mean asking Morris out to lunch, or taking Connor out for coffee.

o We have to break down and really get to know each other.

§ Asking questions about our walk in Christ, purity and parenting hardships.

o We must use the opportunities around us to discuss Church and not push it.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that life sucks

I'm sorry that it is tough, unresponsive and stiff

I'm sorry that I am helpless when the hurt, pain, and suffering happen.

I'm sorry to say goodbye

I'm sorry that I must move on

I'm sorry that I cannot take you were I am going

I'm sorry to make you cry

I'm sorry make you feel distrust and anger

I'm sorry to befriend you and then mislead you

I'm so for myself

I'm sorry that I am not able to repair

I am sorry

I am hurt

I am disgust

I am the problem without a solution

I am the reason, cause and circumstance of redemption

I am what I am

I am the pruner and pain giver

I am the gate that closes and opens

I am the door you run through and the window you must break

I am the death and the life

I am the decider and judge

I am and you are not.

Please God...send someone...just not me.

Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. - God

Happy are you, oh Israel! Who is like you? A people saved by the LORD, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph!

- Last words of Moses, the servant of the LORD.

I am inadequate. I am unworthy to be doing this. I do not deserve this. There has to be someone out there that can do this so much better than I. It feels like a poison doesn't it? Do you feel this seeping down your spirit, coating everything it touches in a slimy ooze that no matter how much you scrub, scratch or claw at, it just wont come off. Do you notice the dimming light of life, vitality and grace slowly close as inferiority consumes you in it's warm death. The worst thing about this is its true. When rubber meets the road are we really worth the effort. A great man once told me that the greatest thing I ever did in my life was drive the nails into the bleeding wrist of the LORD. In church building after church building, do we fill the pews with numb, dislocated individuals loosely connected to a body all ready fragmented and broken? Moses, when he stood before God, gave every excuse in the book. He held nothing back in the contempt he held himself in, never concerned with how God might see him. Did he look back on his years being a prince looking down on his relatives? Was guilt and remorse slowly tightening its grasp around his hairy neck? Moses had 40 years to reflect, repent and forget, and here we find him in front of a burning bush that is making him rub his nose in it. Was that what God was doing? If I were Moses I would have wanted so badly to run from that place and immerse myself back into the calm life of a shepherd and husband and leave God to his own machinations. If I were God I would have made Moses remember all that he did; show him aerial views of his murder, of his arrogance over his brothers. However, God does not do this; instead, he embraces a broken man thats believes he is not worth the effort of a loving redeeming God. Yes at first God is furious, wouldn't you be? This man whom God created tells God that he doesn't know what he, God, is doing. Crazy right? But in the end, when all pretenses and excuses are brushed easily aside, Moses lays his heart down.

"Please God...send someone...just not me."

I mean really haven't we all said this at one time; yet God time and time again refuses to do what we say. Knowing that there is someone better for the job, or worthy of the responsibility; God still looks at us in the face and says I want you and you are perfect for the job. That is truly beautiful because He could do this by himself and instead he chooses you and I to do it. Worth does not factor in with God, Thank goodness for that or else nothing would get done. God factors in Christ and in that equation you are worthy, you are capable, you are everything that is needed to make real lasting things happen. Really let this sink in for a moment. God knowing what you would do, knowing what we would do to his son once he got here, he did it any way so that we might have a chance to work together. It is easy to look at ourselves as incompetent, unworthy sinners but it takes real effort to see us as God does. In God's eyes we are worth everything. In God's eyes we are real people, not the fake ones we have become so accustomed to but living breathing talking beings. I pray that you see in you the worth that God sees in you. I pray that we embrace hope, life and faith instead of popularity, culture and this life. God bless

What does it take to be a father?

"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father." - Pope John XXIII

"It is much easier to become a father than to be one." - Kent Nerburn

I have asked myself that question quite a lot recently. However, before you jump to multiple conclusions Natalie is not pregnant, or at least we don't know if she is or isn't. Besides that I have wanted to be a father for a very long time and for a very long time I have wondered if, when the time comes, will I have what it takes. Millions of children are born to parents that have no right raising pets let alone human being, am I somehow better or worthy? What makes me different that I deserve to be a father to somebody that will someday have the ability to choose or deny God. Someone wiser than me once said that it is a great and frightening authority God has given us, to bring eternal people into the world. I have seen good fathers and I have experienced bad ones, I have seen the product of lazy, neutral, submissive, non existent fathers. The one thing I do understand quite well is the importance of a dad. When I see people that I wish to label as good fathers, I see one undeniable quality and it is not money or the financial security that they provide for their family, it is their trust in God. It is a trust in the father that I do not grasp but is tangibly seen. I understand that I know nothing when it comes to parenting or just about anything concerning raising children for that matter, but pray that God has patience on me, because I sure do want to try.

Reconciliation

“Reconciliation is to understand both sides; to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

How well do you reconcile? Do we know the mechanics of forgiveness so well that we have lost the heart to reunite. After we have forgiven someone of their abuse towards us do we seek reconciliation. Or do we forgive and then still hold onto our hatred, our bitterness and our wrath; looking for those slights and little holes in others. Do we forgive and then wait for the next abuse? Should we forget what others have done to us and like ignorant children, stumble yet again into the same ditch that ensnared us the first time.

Luke 23:32-33- two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. And when they came to the place that is called the place of The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. We have read this many times and we may even have seen enactments of this crucification scene. I have watched the passion of the Christ and I have seen many passion plays and devotionals. All of them are powerful and in their own way deep and refreshing to my spirit. However, when I see his beaten face, it is this next passage that really drives this forgiveness home. Christ does the unthinkable he forgives them. If that was all of that the story is, it still not as magnificent. Jesus Christ reconciles with them even excuses them by saying that they did what they without truly knowing who they were doing it too. This rich undeserving forgiveness was given to people that Jesus had known for the last three years. It was given to his apostles that left his side, it was given to those that abused him at every step, it was given to those that beat him.

I hope that when we forgive; and when we do forgive we reconcile and seek to understand and then truly rebuild the burned bridges and destroyed roads.

We Must be the Lesson

A. W. Tozer -

"Without worship, we go about miserable."

C. S. Lewis -

"We only learn to behave ourselves in the presence of God."

A couple of weeks ago I was having dinner at an older members home with another couple our age. after dinner we went into their living room and discussed the qualities and experiences of praising God. He asked me how much time I spend a week in offering praise and worship to God? That question, obviously triggering this blog post, led me to one of the greatest struggles that I have had sense working with youth. Both in Texas and in California teaching praise has been both difficult very time consuming. How do you teach praise, worship and giving God blessings? I mean, I have been in many classes that told me that I should and that I should do it often. I have been told of the hundreds of biblical characters, saints and historical Christians that have all been good examples of what a strong Christian does in relation to God and the honor due him. but how do I translate something that is so elemental to the foundation of ones Christianity to people being raised by our society today. Is God's authority the key to unlock the door of their world view command center; or maybe it is the landscape of God's glory that they must grasp before that frolic in the golden fields of putting praise and honor into human speech. For, to me, worship is the very air in my lungs. The more I grow and the older I age, the greater the desire, the more irresistible the need to give what I can in utter reverence and praise to God. Is it something you can give to another person? Is it like a gift given to an eager 10 year old on Christmas? I have come to think of the instruction of worship like teaching a man dying of thirst the important role water plays in one staying hydrated. The dying man does not need a college education or a degree in hydroponics to know its importance to him. He knows what he needs even if words escape him. He does not need further instruction, he merely needs that which will keep alive. We must be people who teach others through our actions that worship to God is a necessity to life. We must be the lesson that draws the dying from the dessert.

Game nights and Small Groups

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead

Well, I have been here in Simi Valley, CA for 5 months and I feel like I'm just now getting to the gritty work of ministry. Last Friday we started Game night and LORD willing it will continue for quite some time. Also, soon we will begin a small group for teens and their parents, which I am looking forward to very much. These two ministries are so important to me for the purpose of getting to know every body on a personal level and bringing church out of the building.

What I really need are ideas concerning ways and functions of these two ministries. Things that you have been done or seen done that might work or not work. I am an empty cup waiting to be filled by good ideas that are worth following.

New Years resolution- no more New Year's resolutions

Eric Zorn

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.

Oscar Wilde
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Well this is a new year and with it come the same responsibilities and concerns. Do not misjudge me, I am just as excited as you to usher in a new calender.

Last week I was listening in on to others as they were explaining to each other the reasons for their new years resolutions. Each went around the circle reassuring one another that this year will be the year that they actually do something different and that they will finally assert the change the want. When I was younger I was much more pessimistic and I would have laughed in their faces, but now I know not to do such things... out loud at least. I respect the want to celebrate the coming year with a declaration of difference and change from the last, but I do have a hard time believing it. Actually I have come to the understanding that we give these oaths and promises as a pagan would to the cosmos and stars, like it is expected from the very fabric of our surroundings. I do not think we should completely give up on the prospect of change and becoming something better than what we were. However, I want to challenge myself to be constantly looking for paths to crawl closer to the will of God. The word "crawl" was not a typo, this last year I have done more of that than walking or even running to God. I want all of us to change on a daily basis; becoming more like God and giving up on the parts of us that drag us away from the picture God had originally painted us to be. Instead of embracing change and resolutions of old standards one day a year, let us change habits and resolve problems daily and not annually.

Life = Christ

Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.

Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.

Douglas Adams

What is life like? You know what I mean. Is it like a box of chocolates? Is like a boulder, when you get it rolling, if you can get it rolling, you can’t stop it? Can we, like fruit pickers, pluck an image out of the great blue yonder and then define all of life by that one image. Unless that image is the sky that you are grabbing at, I say no. I have given it (life's definition) a lot of thought and I must conclude that life by its very definition has no definition; instead, it is a gift. Yet, by making that statement I am again relegating the definition of life to another object. But maybe this one parable is the true one that defines fully the concept of life.

Life is something that is given outside of your control. Even with contraceptives and abortion running around like rabid pack animals, life is still not in our control. Life is something you do not deserve. I must confess that I am looking at this situation through the binoculars of the existence of God and therefore must conclude that we did not deserve life and very well could have been left unmade. The fact that God desired to create us shows a type of understanding, pain and love I can never and will never understand.

I cannot push to the side or deny the way that this world portrays life. I know I should not be as surprised as I am but I must confess it is ridiculous. One of the definitions of ridiculous is having a frivolous attitude. The way that we allow public opinion to determine our values on life, death and the right to it is shocking. Even when God was pushed to define for us what life, true life, really means, he said it in a way that still crumbles my soul. "Life is Christ," and with that one statement more purpose, direction and peace flowed from the mouth of truth than all the words of wisdom, poetry, and science man has created.

Choose to smile

Have you ever felt like if the world was smiling, you wouldn't, just to spite them? I'm not saying that I am in such a pessimistic attitude; I'm just asking the question. Now I have been tempted to do just that, refuse to smile that is, and succumb to the constant negative. Recently I have heard of fellow ministers (both paid and not) and have noticed myself being bombarded by the oppressive influence of pessimism and hardship of the soul and mind. One perspective popular held to, is that this must mean we are doing something right, or else evil would be unwarranted. I somewhat agree with that and even acknowledge that suffering accompanies a closer relationship with God. Taking on the mantle of spiritual leadership opens us up to depression and hardship and we often forget to smile.

I was recently having a conversation with someone who was being very harsh with their criticism and remarks of both the leadership and direction of the church, and through his eyes I would have to agree with him. On my way out he said something to me that really stuck, "however bad they may be, I hope that you can keep up you enthusiasm." that made think of how I must come across to these people and how, as a whole, we ministers must always show a face of encouragement and general enthusiasm to the congregation. I did not expect the heavy weight that would be put on my emotional and spiritual back when I took this job. I have now adjusted and I not only accept but I also love the growth I have seen in myself because of it. I don’t think we must be charismatic, the world all ready has too much of that. However, we must remind ourselves to just smile. I challenge you to smile when you are with the church, when you are in elders/deacons meetings, when you are teaching/participating in small groups. Furthermore, when you do jump over the cliff and take the leap showing others that you choose to smile instead of cry, try mean it!

Redemption thoughts

Are we redeemable? If you were to point that question at God you would get a most resounding affirmative. I mean look at all God has done to redeem us from ourselves. He has done and is doing absolutely everything within his own limits (human choice that is) to bring man back into a saving, permanent, and healthy relationship with himself. God has gone so far as to send his son, knowing what we would do to him once he got here, to live among us frail humans and eventually give his life to pay the ransom for our own. The bible is full of amazing stories showing us at our worst and God making the best out of those situations. In the end, I still ask are we redeemable? I want to say no, truthfully, because of all we have done to each other. Our society is so self destructive, petty and to put it simply, dirty. I’m not making this statement standing far off looking at the earth with purer-than-thou vision. I am saying this standing chin deep in all my filth with no way to get out. In the end I am confronted with the same truth, it is not how we see ourselves but how God sees us. The amazing ways Jesus teaches us is manifested best through his teachings on love. Jesus asks us to love one another, not because of others love towards us, but because of God’s love towards us. Jesus does not leave the connecting tissue between us faulty humans unenforced; instead, he connects this truth with himself. Remembering all that Jesus did in the name of this love suffering, living, healing, dying, crying, walking, and hurting, he did this through the hands and feet of a purpose caused by God. All because of God’s love for his son which he so graciously shared with us. Praise God in the highest that he sees us through the eyes of compassion, redemption and love. I pray that we might do the same to each other. That we look through the eyes of a suffering servant to see the pure soul that God intended us to be. In the words of Mother Teresa “we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts.”

Thoughts of one before God

Here is a shot at poetry

My soul dismays at the sight of righteousness

In terms of good and well, I stand in foul

In terms of life and vitality, I walk in fields of death

In terms of purpose and transparency, I exist on levels of decay

When standing face to face with the mint, I find the original unbearable

When called to be perfect, I crumble under pressure and rejection

When called to effect, I am disabled by the affect I have

After the structure of a warrior, I succumb to the element of a coward

Built to be redeemable, I am most to be disposed

Because when you recognize the facts, miracles, chances and opportunities

you are faced with the same reality, I am and always will be, man.

My torn and bleeding heart

I feel like my heart is tearing between long term ministry and the parents immediate view of the several years their children will spend in the "youth group". I want to provide a wide range of spiritually centered programs and events but I do not want to compromise my ministry with activities for the sake of keep kids there. I want to give my full focus to all aspects of every age group, but I feel myself turning into one enormous eye with no hands to work out what I see. I want to plan long down the road but I get snagged on branches in front of my feet. I want to create an environment where people are needed throughout their spiritual and physical growth within the kingdom of God. I feel like I'm about to explode with all the ideas, plans, visions and wants for the youth of this county let alone this small community of believers.

I knew going into this whole ministry 'thing' that it would be hard to convey the "big picture" to people and yet still keep their patience and attention through the years. I'm hurt by people's lack of vision and shortsighted view of the kingdom. I'm not angery at the church of my Christ nor am I frustrated per say with how things are going, maybe this post is in some way a plea for ideas and help.

The continuing, not so short, story of Thomas and Klara.

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."

Thomas blinked rapidly from the glare coming from the gold locket he gave to Klara that morning. Somehow knowing exactly how much time had past Thomas quickly stood up, throwing crumbs, silverware and paper to the wind. Birds slowly began chirping as if annoyed with the disturbance being made of their otherwise peaceful Sunday afternoon. Thomas knew that he was all ready late for the counsel meeting and Edgar would be waiting for him steaming as usual. "Honey I told you to wake me up in a half hour", Thomas tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice but failed. Klara was just stirring, also having fell asleep with him. What started out as a quiet pick nick in the meadow turned into a cat nap lasting for several hours. Thomas scanned his surroundings for threats and possibly anomalies. "Anomalies, who thinks like that? Capitan James T Kirk maybe, but surely not me, right?" Sense his recent encounter on key and the injection of the mites, Thomas was beginning to see everything like a computer. Everything was calculated and projected, discrepancies were dealt with and factored out. He knew the by now the mites have embedded themselves deep in his brain stem and spinal cord, speeding up reflexes, fine tuning his central nervous system and organizing his brain like some massive external hard drive. Allready he could feel the very "presence" of wireless signals, communications, cell phone, video and satellite feeds buzzed around his head like an annoying fly. Thomas slowly ran his hands through his rough shoulder length hair, smoothing out the knots growing in his neck. "I feel like I'm becoming a machine, I run when others call and I do what I'm told without question." The reason Thomas was so tired was because last night he had spent the whole evening with the king's counsel trying to adjust supply lines and the figure the amount of protection needed. Apparently pirates have been attacking spice ships jumping in and out before the hired protector vessels could even respond. It took several hours just trying to reassure the spice guild that the Guardian's would now assume their protection. "What is the point of all of this if I cannot enjoy being human? I mean I cant just give up on life just because of my duties." Urging Thomas to come back down to earth Klara rose on one elbow and moved a strand of hair away from Thomas' face. Klara girlishly planted a kiss on Thomas' cheek "I don't know what you do Mr. Mystery, but your with me right now. So right now I own you, but what I hope is that your mind might come along with it," Klara looked off into the mountains that rose high above the meadow. "I have told you about those mountains?" Klara had Thomas' full attention now, Thomas wished that he could command people's attention as easily as she could control his. "No I don't think you have ever told me," Thomas felt a sting of pain at the reminder that he could never tell her what exactly he did or who he was for fear of the knowledge destroying all they have made together.

"Once there were was bluster berry farmer," don't laugh this is a good story with a quick apology Klara continued," anyway, he loved his wife but she she could not conceive a child. every time a ship came into the city he would go and try and find a remedy from some far off part of the country to cure his wife. for years he would travel to and fro from city to city searching for a remedy. Finally there came a day when he traveled so far that he did not come back and for weeks the wife worried about her husband and sent letters to the cities searching for him. Finally, succumbed with intense grief, for she thought her husband had died on the long road to the city, she died. The next day the husband came home to find his love dead and he was tempted to end his own life just then. However, the farmer knew how much his wife loved life and with tears in his eyes the farmer buried her in his fields where her soul could give birth to Bluster berry plants year after year; and the farmer's field grew and grew until it took up most of the earth. When the farmer was old and gray and he was about to die, a young man asked him "what did you learn from all your years old man?" he answered, remembering all his hapy years with his wife, "I learned that you'll lose everything you have searching for something you've had the entire time." the old farmer died that night and the young man, being a son of a friend, buried him in the middle of his field. After many years a great mountain range grew out of the ground and gave shade to the fields of bluster berry farms. and the old farmer and his wife were reunited and all was well."

Trying to joke but failing miserably Thomas asked, "what are you trying to tell me?"

Holding up his chin Klara looked deep into his eyes, "You're going to lose me if you keep trying to make ways to keep me."

"Does she know?" thought Thomas, "thats impossible, I've been so good keeping this a secret from her." The side of Thomas that wanted to stay here and give up everything said, "your going to have to tell her someday, I mean come on, your about to be in a lottery to marry somebody else. Even if you don't marry this princess your going to leave this planet within 36 hours, what are you going to do then, send a card?"

"I love you Thomas," Klara said softly, she must have noticed the internal struggle going on inside of him.

"I love you too Klara." Thomas could feel the lid closing around his heart knowing the full impact of the promise he just made to her. He could hear the roar of disagreement rising from the counsel floor. Somewhere deep inside he realized that the Guardian King, the most powerful man on 15 planets, just proclaimed his undying love for a common woman and nobody back home will be happy about this. But on the outside he couldn't stop smiling.

Slow dance

We're goin down

and you can see it too

We're goin down

and you know that we're doomed

my dear

we're slow dancing in a burnin room

-John Mayer

I was listening to this song last night and it got me thinking as to what type of relationship we have with the world that wraps around us so tightly. In a class I was teaching on Wednesday a girl asked me how you can not be friends with the world. We had just been reading out of James where it says that if you have a friendship with the world then you have an enemy with God. It was hard for me to draw a line in the sand for her because even I have become so blurred in my perception of God and of the world. At first i wanted to tell her that the world cannot be the main influence in her life, then I wanted to tell her friendship with the world means to attach yourself to the world therefore you must have no attachment here. In the end I told her that the closer you get to God the harder it is going to be for you and the world to be friends. I feel like my own Christian walk is like slow dancing to fast music. I'm constantly off beat and stumbling over my own feet, do you know what I mean? Is it God that gives us the dance floor and the music we dance to given by the world? What is to truly be a friend to God and yet not be in a difficult relationship with the world I must live in today? I look at Abraham who was actually called a friend of God. I can imagine him showing up at God's birthday parties, having guy nights together, you know? Doing all the things friends do together. However, when I look at his life I see only one thing that clearly separates him from everybody else; he unquestionably, irrevocably, undeniably cast his lot with God instead of the world he lived in. From giving Lot the first choice of the land, to leaving Ur and Haran, to sacrificing his own son; Abraham's trust in God was not just seen in his prayers and words but also through his actions towards others outside his tent. Are you slow dancing in a burning room? do you want to take in every second of life while refusing to accept the truth that the room you’re in, that this world around us is quickly going to be destroyed? Just imagine what it would be like to be in heaven and see God smile at you and then in a smooth voice call you his friend.

Story of Jacob

“Master your son has heard of your illness and has hastened to visit you,” with a curt bow the servant exited the tent and walked across the dusty clearing and disappeared behind another tent.

“Good” replied the tired old man

Jacob had never felt so tired in his whole life. The last few days have been long haunting. Faintly he remembered the long journey he made from Beersheba to Paddan-Aram; however, he had the incentive of an angry brother to drive him quickly through the country. He remembered the confusion of the dream but the vivid imagery would forever be seared in his memory. The sound of the angel’s heavy breathing as they climbed the latter up and down and up and down again. The sight of heaven and the look of the ladder descending to earth, all so real and yet unreal at the same time. If only I knew the full meaning and depth behind the vow I made.

In a meadow, a world away, a much younger man was on his knees apparently out of breath and showing the marks and bruises of someone much older than himself. “God” the trembling lips were not confident or loud; instead the voice was sacred and tired. One would think that when talking to God you should stand and yell your request to God like he might be deaf in one ear or something. This man could not summon the strength to stand let alone look in the direction of heaven. “If…. if you help on this path that I am on and you deliver me safely to my destination, God?” Could he even make a request to God at this point? Would God listen to a deceiver a liar a sinner? Loneliness and despair invaded Jacob’s heart and began marching death and depression around his mind and heart. Invisible roots and vines began to ensnare and trap him, around and around weaving into his skin, his clothing, his eyes and mouth. “Please bring me back God, bring me back in peace.” Peace was not what he was feeling; peace was the exact opposite of what was in him. Fear of his brother finding him, and at any moment rushing from under the shade or those trees and killing him like some wounded animal. Could it be that bad, I do deserve whatever hatred he must have for me, I deserve to die here and now. I deserve to be forgotten for what I have done to my brother, my father. Almost in a whisper “Then you will be my LORD God and I,” could I actually uphold my end of this covenant? Then again I will most likely not see the morning, “I will be your man.” Peace. Nothing but quiet was the response. Even the birds and wind, with their silence, recognized the power and grace of the covenant that was struck just then. Jacob found no resistance when he lifted his head, no vines ensnaring him. Nothing was heard but the sound of heart beating against his chest; every thump..thump….thump was a reassurance that God not only listened but he accepted. It wasn’t till years later that Jacob realized that it was in God’s acceptance that the truly hard trials awaited.

Time as a Tornado

It's amazing that another year has pass and gone with the same speed as teenager riding a shopping cart down a hill in a Wal Mart parking lot. It is even more striking that this year, like no other year, has gone by like a tornado; changing everything about me and my relationship with everybody. I feel like Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt in the last scene of twister, where they are holding on to the pipe that happens to be anchored to the core of the earth while everything around them is destroyed. All of the elements in a tornado, when docile are unseen, unnoticed and not dangerous but when stirred they become violent and threatening. Time when it goes, goes often unnoticed but when you try and hold on gets violent and threatening. not because of its nature but because of your stance towards it; like a picture that in one position looks like a young girl and when you turn it upside down it becomes a picture of an old woman. this last year was my first year I have ever spent attached to another person in an intimate relationship, marriage. All I know thus far is that I know nothing about what it means to love as God loves me. My wife loves with an immense intensity, towards myself, our family and strangers. This gives me such a small glimpse of what God means to love others, not because of how they love you but because of how God loves you. Do we hold on to time like a lifeline from a sinking ship? Do we have a death grip on a cord that should ensure our safety, but in reality it ensures our destruction? I love what this last year has given me, my wife, my job, my ministry, and as I look forward, as we all look forward to this coming year; smile, for God loves you with an unbearable love. A love that is strong, merciful, compassionate, and full.