I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that life sucks

I'm sorry that it is tough, unresponsive and stiff

I'm sorry that I am helpless when the hurt, pain, and suffering happen.

I'm sorry to say goodbye

I'm sorry that I must move on

I'm sorry that I cannot take you were I am going

I'm sorry to make you cry

I'm sorry make you feel distrust and anger

I'm sorry to befriend you and then mislead you

I'm so for myself

I'm sorry that I am not able to repair

I am sorry

I am hurt

I am disgust

I am the problem without a solution

I am the reason, cause and circumstance of redemption

I am what I am

I am the pruner and pain giver

I am the gate that closes and opens

I am the door you run through and the window you must break

I am the death and the life

I am the decider and judge

I am and you are not.

Please God...send someone...just not me.

Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. - God

Happy are you, oh Israel! Who is like you? A people saved by the LORD, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph!

- Last words of Moses, the servant of the LORD.

I am inadequate. I am unworthy to be doing this. I do not deserve this. There has to be someone out there that can do this so much better than I. It feels like a poison doesn't it? Do you feel this seeping down your spirit, coating everything it touches in a slimy ooze that no matter how much you scrub, scratch or claw at, it just wont come off. Do you notice the dimming light of life, vitality and grace slowly close as inferiority consumes you in it's warm death. The worst thing about this is its true. When rubber meets the road are we really worth the effort. A great man once told me that the greatest thing I ever did in my life was drive the nails into the bleeding wrist of the LORD. In church building after church building, do we fill the pews with numb, dislocated individuals loosely connected to a body all ready fragmented and broken? Moses, when he stood before God, gave every excuse in the book. He held nothing back in the contempt he held himself in, never concerned with how God might see him. Did he look back on his years being a prince looking down on his relatives? Was guilt and remorse slowly tightening its grasp around his hairy neck? Moses had 40 years to reflect, repent and forget, and here we find him in front of a burning bush that is making him rub his nose in it. Was that what God was doing? If I were Moses I would have wanted so badly to run from that place and immerse myself back into the calm life of a shepherd and husband and leave God to his own machinations. If I were God I would have made Moses remember all that he did; show him aerial views of his murder, of his arrogance over his brothers. However, God does not do this; instead, he embraces a broken man thats believes he is not worth the effort of a loving redeeming God. Yes at first God is furious, wouldn't you be? This man whom God created tells God that he doesn't know what he, God, is doing. Crazy right? But in the end, when all pretenses and excuses are brushed easily aside, Moses lays his heart down.

"Please God...send someone...just not me."

I mean really haven't we all said this at one time; yet God time and time again refuses to do what we say. Knowing that there is someone better for the job, or worthy of the responsibility; God still looks at us in the face and says I want you and you are perfect for the job. That is truly beautiful because He could do this by himself and instead he chooses you and I to do it. Worth does not factor in with God, Thank goodness for that or else nothing would get done. God factors in Christ and in that equation you are worthy, you are capable, you are everything that is needed to make real lasting things happen. Really let this sink in for a moment. God knowing what you would do, knowing what we would do to his son once he got here, he did it any way so that we might have a chance to work together. It is easy to look at ourselves as incompetent, unworthy sinners but it takes real effort to see us as God does. In God's eyes we are worth everything. In God's eyes we are real people, not the fake ones we have become so accustomed to but living breathing talking beings. I pray that you see in you the worth that God sees in you. I pray that we embrace hope, life and faith instead of popularity, culture and this life. God bless

What does it take to be a father?

"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father." - Pope John XXIII

"It is much easier to become a father than to be one." - Kent Nerburn

I have asked myself that question quite a lot recently. However, before you jump to multiple conclusions Natalie is not pregnant, or at least we don't know if she is or isn't. Besides that I have wanted to be a father for a very long time and for a very long time I have wondered if, when the time comes, will I have what it takes. Millions of children are born to parents that have no right raising pets let alone human being, am I somehow better or worthy? What makes me different that I deserve to be a father to somebody that will someday have the ability to choose or deny God. Someone wiser than me once said that it is a great and frightening authority God has given us, to bring eternal people into the world. I have seen good fathers and I have experienced bad ones, I have seen the product of lazy, neutral, submissive, non existent fathers. The one thing I do understand quite well is the importance of a dad. When I see people that I wish to label as good fathers, I see one undeniable quality and it is not money or the financial security that they provide for their family, it is their trust in God. It is a trust in the father that I do not grasp but is tangibly seen. I understand that I know nothing when it comes to parenting or just about anything concerning raising children for that matter, but pray that God has patience on me, because I sure do want to try.

Reconciliation

“Reconciliation is to understand both sides; to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

How well do you reconcile? Do we know the mechanics of forgiveness so well that we have lost the heart to reunite. After we have forgiven someone of their abuse towards us do we seek reconciliation. Or do we forgive and then still hold onto our hatred, our bitterness and our wrath; looking for those slights and little holes in others. Do we forgive and then wait for the next abuse? Should we forget what others have done to us and like ignorant children, stumble yet again into the same ditch that ensnared us the first time.

Luke 23:32-33- two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. And when they came to the place that is called the place of The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. We have read this many times and we may even have seen enactments of this crucification scene. I have watched the passion of the Christ and I have seen many passion plays and devotionals. All of them are powerful and in their own way deep and refreshing to my spirit. However, when I see his beaten face, it is this next passage that really drives this forgiveness home. Christ does the unthinkable he forgives them. If that was all of that the story is, it still not as magnificent. Jesus Christ reconciles with them even excuses them by saying that they did what they without truly knowing who they were doing it too. This rich undeserving forgiveness was given to people that Jesus had known for the last three years. It was given to his apostles that left his side, it was given to those that abused him at every step, it was given to those that beat him.

I hope that when we forgive; and when we do forgive we reconcile and seek to understand and then truly rebuild the burned bridges and destroyed roads.

We Must be the Lesson

A. W. Tozer -

"Without worship, we go about miserable."

C. S. Lewis -

"We only learn to behave ourselves in the presence of God."

A couple of weeks ago I was having dinner at an older members home with another couple our age. after dinner we went into their living room and discussed the qualities and experiences of praising God. He asked me how much time I spend a week in offering praise and worship to God? That question, obviously triggering this blog post, led me to one of the greatest struggles that I have had sense working with youth. Both in Texas and in California teaching praise has been both difficult very time consuming. How do you teach praise, worship and giving God blessings? I mean, I have been in many classes that told me that I should and that I should do it often. I have been told of the hundreds of biblical characters, saints and historical Christians that have all been good examples of what a strong Christian does in relation to God and the honor due him. but how do I translate something that is so elemental to the foundation of ones Christianity to people being raised by our society today. Is God's authority the key to unlock the door of their world view command center; or maybe it is the landscape of God's glory that they must grasp before that frolic in the golden fields of putting praise and honor into human speech. For, to me, worship is the very air in my lungs. The more I grow and the older I age, the greater the desire, the more irresistible the need to give what I can in utter reverence and praise to God. Is it something you can give to another person? Is it like a gift given to an eager 10 year old on Christmas? I have come to think of the instruction of worship like teaching a man dying of thirst the important role water plays in one staying hydrated. The dying man does not need a college education or a degree in hydroponics to know its importance to him. He knows what he needs even if words escape him. He does not need further instruction, he merely needs that which will keep alive. We must be people who teach others through our actions that worship to God is a necessity to life. We must be the lesson that draws the dying from the dessert.

Game nights and Small Groups

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead

Well, I have been here in Simi Valley, CA for 5 months and I feel like I'm just now getting to the gritty work of ministry. Last Friday we started Game night and LORD willing it will continue for quite some time. Also, soon we will begin a small group for teens and their parents, which I am looking forward to very much. These two ministries are so important to me for the purpose of getting to know every body on a personal level and bringing church out of the building.

What I really need are ideas concerning ways and functions of these two ministries. Things that you have been done or seen done that might work or not work. I am an empty cup waiting to be filled by good ideas that are worth following.